


Self Destruct Sequence Activated

by Legs (InsanityRule)



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: First Time, M/M, Why do I do this to myself, i'm dead inside
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 15:27:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4611906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsanityRule/pseuds/Legs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Notalickofsense mentioned this to Daisy and I decided it was important to ruin my soul a little more.</p><p>After Richard is fired from his CEO position Jared takes him on a small getaway to unwind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Self Destruct Sequence Activated

**Author's Note:**

> Happy fucking birthday to me I'm dead.

He hesitates. He doesn’t mean to, but Richard’s news stuns him into remaining in his seat until Richard turns to run off to his room. Jared stands, ignoring - no not ignoring the others he understands they think Richard should be alone but he needs to do something and right now Richard needs him, maybe more than he ever will, and Jared will not let this moment slip through his fingers like so many others in the past.

Richard’s bedroom door is still open a crack when Jared quietly pushes his way into the room. He expects him to be up in his bed, or perhaps still on the ladder on his way up, but he finds Richard standing in the middle of his bedroom holding a fist to his mouth and another hand to his stomach.

“Richard, perhaps you should have gone to-” Richard lurches and Jared doesn’t think, he just helps Richard lower to the ground and pulls a trash can over to catch most of the vomit. He pauses for just a moment before he begins rubbing Richard’s back in soothing circles until the fit passes.

“I think I fucked up my tie. Shit, I’m such a fucking fuck _fuck_!” Jared flinches with each swear, but he keeps a sturdy hand on Richard’s shoulder as he presses his palms into his eyes. “What am I going to do?”

“Richard, without you Pied Piper would have nothing. You’re so very important to this company,” _and me, you’re such a strong, brave, powerful,_ “they need you. I’m sure of it.”

“How can they just… I… this is my company. My algorithm. My life!”

“I understand Richard.” He probably understands more than most. But he can’t think about himself right now, about loss and grief, Richard needs him to be strong. “Perhaps if we talked about it? Sometimes that helps.”

“I can’t. I can’t be… Jared I can’t be here right now I… I can’t be around the guys and-” Richard’s forehead creases and he must be biting the insides of his lips and oh, no please, his eyelids are trembling. He obviously doesn’t want to cry, but Jared’s not certain Richard can will the sadness away. Jared feels that familiar tightness return in his chest, the one that urges him to zip up his vest and hide.

“Richard, you should change your shirt, if you’re concerned. Perhaps something more comfortable?” Yes, this will help, he can distract Richard from his problems for a little while.

“Can you get it?” Richard’s voice cracks and he coughs. It doesn’t cover up the waver when he clarifies, “maybe a sweater?” but Jared accepts the hidden request for a moment for Richard to collect himself without someone watching. Jared takes his time selecting a nice, warm sweater from Richard’s closet and goes so far as to fetch Richard a bottle of water from the kitchen. The others watch Jared but he has a task to complete.

“I thought you might want some water.” Richard accepts the water and takes a deep drink. “I’ll give you a moment of privacy.”

As he turns to leave Richard calls out, “that’s… you don’t have to leave the room just… can you turn around?”

“Of course.” Jared focuses on some of the pictures on Richard’s wall until Richard coughs, and then lets out a soft ‘okay’. When Jared turns around Richard still looks very unhappy, but he’s looking more relaxed in his clean clothes. “Richard, is there something you would like to do?”

Richard hugs his arms over his chest, rubbing his hands over the soft fabric at his sides. “I can’t think right now. But I don’t… I need to get out of this place, this…” he gestures to the room, or maybe the house. Yes, it must be the house. This is where Pied Piper was born and raised. And now Richard might not be a part of its life anymore.

Jared nods, he needs to make Richard understand that this feeling is good and okay, that he’s sad now but it will be alright. And that leaving is maybe for the best, at least for a little while. “Well, perhaps we should go for a drive?”

\--

It’s rather quiet in the car, but Jared doesn’t want to bombard Richard with music unless he requests some be played. They don’t have a destination, or a plan, or any sort of idea, but Jared keeps driving and Richard keeps watching the scenery out the window.

Around two in the morning Jared isn’t sure he can keep going, but Richard hasn't said anything about stopping, or food, or even needing to use the restroom, so Jared continues down the highway. Briefly he notes a sign indicating they're nearing San Francisco, but he doesn't register what that means until Richard speaks up.

"Hey um, Jared? We can stop if you want. Or we can turn around. I bet the others are asleep and... well I'm getting tired and I'm not the one driving."

"I'm alright, Richard. This is for you after all and I want to make you happy." Oh he didn't mean to say that aloud.

"Well I kind of want to stop." The area to Jared's right lights up and he glances for a moment, finding Richard on his phone. "There's a hotel off the highway coming up."

Oh no. Hotels are expensive. But this is for Richard and certainly he can cut back on his frivolous food budget in order to make Richard feel better. "I have some money, we should be fine for a night."

"No um... I kind of want to spoil myself while I still have money from Pied Piper so... I'll pay. For all of it."

He'll have to pick up something small for Richard in the morning. Perhaps he can buy him breakfast at a nearby diner? Yes, that sounds nice, and they can sit in a booth by the window and watch people as they mill around outside. That sounds nice.

"If that's what you want Richard."

"It is. At least I think it is. I kind of just want to do something I wouldn't normally, you know? Like... Like eat a shit ton of cilantro or prank phone calls or something stupid like that."

He's not really on board with enabling Richard to throw up again over cilantro but if he asks Jared will run off to the store in a heartbeat. Jared quietly nods along as Richard describes his plans for a quiet, well contained self-destruct sequence that won't ruin his life. They'll watch movies and eat room service ice cream and desserts and sleep in, goodness he hasn't slept in for so long Jared's not sure his body remembers how, and sometime in the next couple of days they'll return to the incubator and pick up the pieces of Richard's life.

There are only a few available rooms, all of them with only one bed. Richard is looking downtrodden but Jared quietly insists he can sleep on the floor, he did so at TechCrunch and he can do it again. And after ten minutes and one late night order for ice cream they're sitting on a king sized bed and watching a movie Jared isn't familiar with, but Richard seems to enjoy the music if nothing else. The screen is a bit too busy for Jared to really enjoy it, but he's been staring at Richard more than the screen anyway.

Richard sighs sadly on and off, worrying his lip between his teeth and eyebrows knitted. He's fiddling with the edges of his sweater sleeves, stretching the knit and wrapping the fabric tighter across his shoulders as he pulls on the ends. Jared refrains from hugging Richard, although he really wants to give it a try, but it feels selfish because he knows he just wants to have Richard close while he still can.

Jared is terrified Richard will go back to Tulsa after they return to the incubator.

He doesn't want to think about that right now.

Jared also didn't intend on falling asleep but that didn't exactly work out. Jared wakes before Richard and finds him in a loose curl against his torso. His chest feels like it's swelling he's so happy, and then very concerned because what if Richard didn't want to cuddle? What if he wakes up and becomes angry and runs off, or if he's disgusted and throws up because he doesn't want to be near Jared? Maybe Jared forced him to cuddle and Richard will feel uncomfortable and violated-

Richard yawns and tugs at the fabric bunched at Jared's side. Jared watches as Richard blinks awake enough to look up, their eyes meet and Jared freezes, and then Richard closes his eyes again and throws an arm around Jared's waist.

Richard Hendricks is cuddling with him. He's not sure he can breathe properly ever again. Slowly, because Richard might want to cuddle him but maybe he doesn't want Jared to cuddle back, Jared moves his arm so it's resting over Richard's shoulders. Richard pulls him closer with a sigh and Jared is going to die right here right now. Getting to hold Richard and comfort him is more than he could have ever asked for.

They fall back asleep and miss checkout but Richard just shrugs and informs the desk that they're staying for another day. Richard settles on sitting at the foot of the bed and Jared joins him.

"Is there something you would like to do today Richard? Or to talk about? Perhaps we can discuss what you plan to do now?"

"Not yet, I'm not..." Richard wipes at his eyes with his sleeves and Jared reaches out to gently pull them away. Richard's eyes are red and wet and so pretty. No, he shouldn't think that. Richard is hurting and doesn't need to deal with Jared's feelings on top of everything else. He presses his thumbs into Richard's palms. "Thinking about what will happen next... it scares me."

"That's perfectly understandable Richard. A lot has changed. I'm so sorry; I know you always had Pied Piper's best interests at heart."

"You have too, Jared. Pied Piper would've already imploded without your help." Oh he is not prepared to take praise from Richard when he's crying; Jared nods and blinks quickly. "I'm so glad we met."

Richard pulls his hands free and Jared is prepared to let Richard have his space but Richard holds his arms up towards Jared. It only takes him a moment to realize Richard is requesting a hug and he complies immediately.

Richard's hair smells a bit unwashed but it isn't overall unpleasant. Jared's certain he doesn't smell much better.

When Richard sobs Jared squeezes him tighter. "It'll be alright Richard, I'm certain you'll think of something."

And even if that something is leaving Jared will support him. He rocks side to side for awhile until Richard begins to calm down.

He kisses Richard lightly on the temple.

And it's only when Richard pulls away to look at Jared that he realizes he's crossed a line.

"Richard, I'm sorry, I should not have, and especially not without your permission, I should give you some space. I can leave my car, I'll get an Uber-"

"Jared?"

"-it's not that far, I'm sure I can afford-"

"Jared wait. It's okay." Jared trails off and looks at the floor. "You like me, don't you?"

"Of course I do Richard. You're my friend."

"No I mean... I just... fuck, can I kiss you?"

Oh. Jared looks up at Richard; he looks so scared and uncertain and Jared should say something or nod, or maybe he could kiss Richard first? He glances down at Richard's lips, lightly chapped from Richard's constant worrying, and back up to see Richard leaning in closer.

It's just a peck. Jared doesn't even close his eyes before leaning in, but after the first one Richard leans in again and Jared cups his cheek before closing his eyes and kissing him a second time.

It's all very soft and shy, and Richard's cheeks still have salty tear tracks on them, and he's sniffling because it's probably hard to breathe when your nose is stuffed up, but it's still so nice. He'd always imagined Richard would be gentle and sweet, but Jared never thought he would find out for himself.

Jared rubs his thumb across Richard's cheek and startles when it feels wet. He leans back and holds Richard's face. "Was I too forward in assuming that was what you wanted?"

"No, no I..." He grabs Jared's arms and licks his lips. "I haven't um... I haven't done anything like this with a guy. It's a little ah, overwhelming. I'm okay."

There's a chance he could be Richard's first, with a man at least. "We don't have to do anything. You can choose to stop now, or in the future."

He doesn't want Richard to ever feel like he's obligated to go farther.

"You remember when I told you guys Bighead called my laptop my girlfriend?"

Jared's confused about the point Richard's trying to make but he nods. "You haven't had intercourse in a few years. But Richard, that's perfectly acceptable. Not everyone is comfortable with a hook-up."

"I'm a virgin."

"Ah, well," Jared cups his hands over Richard's hands and rubs his thumbs over Richard's wrists, "you don't have to feel embarrassed or strange Richard. Plenty of people wait. And some never do have what others consider full intercourse. It's perfectly natural."

"I'm just... sometimes sex makes me uncomfortable." Jared nods. "But if we were to, do that... I think it would be okay. I feel safe with you."

It's all Jared's ever wanted to provide for Richard, somewhere he can feel safe and comfortable and happy.

"I think I want to have sex with you."

Oh my. That's not what Jared expected right now. "You're certain? This is all a bit sudden and I'd hate to think you're requesting this for the wrong reasons."

"You don't think I'm just like... being stupid or something right? I'm not. I want this. I've thought about this. More than just recently. I... I really like you."

Jared's pretty sure he's going to start crying next. He kisses Richard again, softly, then a bit more insistent. And then Richard's hands are in his hair and he needs to be sensible about this. He pulls back. "Richard, I don't have any supplies." Richard nods. "But perhaps I could go get some? We're very close to a drug store, and it would be wise to bathe and well, consider preparing a few things in advance." He's not going to go into too much detail out loud but he's certain Richard will do a search while he's getting supplies. "Would that be alright with you?"

"Yeah, sure, that sounds good." Richard's eyes are a bit dilated and Jared isn't sure he's going to be able to pull himself away from Richard long enough to get their supplies. Richard kisses him, the first kiss Richard has one hundred percent initiated on his own, and even though it was a bit off kilter it was still very sweet.

He loves him so much.

\--

Jared wanders around the CVS in a daze, absentmindedly grabbing some condoms and lube and some cucumber scented body wash. The smell is very calming and he has a feeling it will be welcome compared to the somewhat harsh soaps the hotel provides. Normally he would use the cheapest available but this is for Richard. He wants him to be comfortable and stay comfortable, at least as much as possible.

And Richard likes him. And Jared never thought their relationship would ever move past being wholly platonic in nature, that he would have to be satisfied being friends with Richard. He's so thankful.

By the time he's heading back to the hotel it's been nearly an hour. He didn't mean to take so long but on the way Jared stopped at a farmer's market and picked up a small bag of locally grown cilantro. He knows it makes Richard sick, he knows Richard will regret eating it, but he also knows Richard loves cilantro. Maybe they can figure out an amount that won't make him throw up.

But for now he needs to focus. Richard's been alone for an hour, possibly panicking - oh no what if Richard had a panic attack? What if he's upset and afraid and Jared left him all alone with his thoughts. He hurries to their hotel room and finds Richard not freaking out, thankfully, but he's looking a bit sick.

"I threw up. Just once, and it's, I'm okay it was just..." He gestures to his phone. "I read some things."

"Ah, alright. If that has scared you we don't have to do anything."

"No no it's... I don't think we'd ever do... that." He quietly pushes the phone off the bed with his foot.

Jared makes a mental note to keep the cilantro a secret for now. "Do you have any questions Richard? I'll try to answer everything to my best ability."

"Okay, um... you're not a virgin are you?"

"I am not." Jared shakes his head. "Does that bother you?"

"No, I think that might be better? I don't know what the fuck I'm doing."

Jared sets his bag of supplies on the bedside table and joins Richard on the bed. "You don't have to know everything Richard. If something makes you feel uncomfortable, feel free to tell me to stop at anytime."

"Okay um... you want to do this too right?" Richard's chewing on his lip again. It's rather cute and distracting.

Right, he asked a question. Jared nods. "I do, Richard. Very much so. I care about you a great deal."

"That's..." Richard smiles. "I'm glad."

"I have a question as well, Richard." He nods. "Did you brush your teeth after you vomited?" Perhaps that was not the best question but Jared is not too fond of the alternative. But Richard's looking a bit horrified at the implication. "That was a bit too forward. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"I'll uh... I'll be right back." Jared remains on the bed, quietly listening to the sound of running water and what he supposes is Richard gargling some of the complementary mouth wash. Jared takes the time to situate the pillows against the headboard and pull back the sheets. He also removes his shoes.

 _Richard and I are going to have sex._ He's getting a bit excited and they haven't even done anything. He patiently waits for Richard to exit the bathroom, then watches as Richard sits on the edge of the bed. He's staring at Jared, then moving to crouch beside him, then raising one knee (Maybe to straddle Jared's lap? Jared breath hitches at the thought.) before setting it back on the bed, "no, fuck I... I don't know what I'm supposed to do I'm sorry. Jesus fuck."

"Richard," Jared smiles and puts a hand on Richard's cheek, "you'll do fine." He kisses him. "Just fine, I'm sure of it." He rubs his hands over Richard's shoulders as they kiss, trying to help him relax, and even though it takes a while the tension in Richard's shoulders starts to ease. Richard's hands go back to his hair, maybe Richard likes that? Jared threads his fingers into the hair at the base of Richard's skull and wraps his other arm around his waist to pull him closer.

And just like that, Richard is in his lap. Oh he could die happy right now. Jared puts a hand on the hem of Richard's sweater but Richard pulls back. "Um that's... I don't know if..."

"We can stop if you like?" Honestly Jared is already so happy he wouldn't mind.

"No I just, being naked and-" he gestures but Jared's not sure what he's trying to indicate.

"How about we undress ourselves? Take as long as you need to, Richard. You can leave your shirt on if you like." Richard nods. Jared holds up a finger and leans over to turn off the bedside lamp. "Does that help?"

"Yeah, thanks." Richard fiddles with the bottom of his sweater while Jared unzips his vest. "I think I'll wait a bit, if that's alright."

"It's perfectly fine." Jared carefully folds his vest and sets it on the bedside table next to the condoms. "And if you want it never has to come off." He rubs his hands over the soft knit on Richard's sides. "But if you don't mind can I put my hands in your shirt?"

Richard huffs. "Yeah that's okay. I'm a little ticklish though."

He's so cute. Jared quietly slides one hand under Richard's sweater and undershirt and leaves it on Richard's waist. He doesn't try to move it higher, or onto Richard's back or stomach, until Richard calms. Jared kisses Richard's collar bone through the fabric, then up a bit higher where skin is exposed. He hums when Richard runs his fingers through his hair.

Slowly, Jared begins leaning to the side until they both land in the center of the bed. Richard glances behind Jared and frowns. "Hey um... could you put the chain on the door?"

Ah, he's nervous. "Certainly." Jared rolls off the bed and quietly pads over to the door to secure the chain, and when he turns back Richard is sitting up with his sweater in his hands. Jared takes a deep breath. Than another. And then he quickly unbuttons his shirt as he walks back to the bed. He can't resist rubbing his hands over Richard's exposed arms and shoulders as they kiss.

Gently, and very slowly, he presses on Richard's shoulders until he's lying on his back. Richard puts his hands at the bottom of Jared's shirt and pauses, looking Jared in the eye until Jared nods. He slides his hands up under Jared's undershirt, carefully running his hands over Jared's ribs. When Jared lowers himself on top of him Richard freezes, then pulls Jared down more securely until his hands rest on Jared's shoulder blades.

Jared moves his hips, barely a rock, more like a light press, and Richard sighs. One of his legs bends out. Jared rolls his hips, adding just a bit more pressure, and Richard kisses him.

And pants are just terribly uncomfortable now. Jared undoes the button and fly on his khakis and pushes them off while leaving his underwear on. Richard gulps audibly. Jared is about to apologize when Richard puts a hand on his hip, thumb fiddling with the elastic of his boxer briefs.  
"I'm nervous." Jared smiles. "The only person that's ever seen me naked is my mom. That's not sexy." He looks horrified at himself. "Oh my god I didn't mean to say that." Richard covers his face with his hands. "I'm hopeless."

"No you're not Richard." Jared sprawls on top of him. He can feel his shirt riding up as Richard moves his hand from his face and down to Jared's lower back. He rolls forward as Richard touches the top of his underwear. "I'm enjoying this very thoroughly."

"Hah, yeah I can tell - no. Jesus why did-" Jared kisses him before he can self-deprecate again. Richard pushes up on Jared's shoulders and for a moment he feels disappointed, thinking Richard has reached his limit for today, but instead he watches Richard undo his jeans and wriggle out of them before tossing them on the floor.

His next move needs to be careful. Richard is probably still nervous, and they're both in their underwear, both aroused if Jared takes a moment to assess Richard's boxers, and he wants Richard to be comfortable.

Richard bends his legs up as Jared lowers back down, intent on just kissing for a little, to make sure Richard is comfortable, but things get handsy quickly and he can't help but rub his hands over the back of Richard's legs, slowly, carefully inching inward until he's touching his inner thighs. They rock together quietly as Jared holds Richard's legs apart.

"Jared I - okay I'm going to - wait," Jared sits up and Richard tries to catch his breath. "I'm not going to last that long."

"That's fine." More than fine. Jared's very pleased that Richard is enjoying this so much. "Would you like me to continue?"

"Can you um... move on to," he looks away, a blush rising to his cheeks, "the uh... 'main event'?" Richard grimaces. "Why did I say that?"

"It seems apt, given the circumstance." Jared reaches over to the table and grabs the lube. "Is this what you're referring to?" Richard nods and they both quickly pull off their underwear. Jared also removes his undershirt but says nothing with Richard leaves his on; if it will make Richard comfortable he approves. He tries to open the bottle of lube, but his hands are clumsy and he ends up spilling a good portion onto the bed. They both start to laugh.

 _Laughter is good,_ Jared thinks, _he'll be more relaxed._ He carefully runs a finger over Richard and presses in. "Is this alright?"

"It's different. Little strange." He waits for Richard to adjust before pressing in more. "Online it said something about a - oh."

He takes it slow, massaging Richard and kissing his face and murmuring softly to help him relax. He's very thorough, and very cautious, fully aware that if Richard gets nervous he could get hurt.  
"I think I'm ready."

"Richard this is still only one finger."

"Oh my god." He starts wheezing out laughs. "Stop listening to me I don't know what the hell I'm talking about."

"It's okay," Jared adds another, "communication is very helpful."

But Richard stops talking. He's gripping Jared's shoulder and gasping, joints probably getting stiff from remaining so still. Jared repositions himself so he's on Richard's side and Richard wraps his arms around Jared's neck.

When Richard is actually ready, and relaxed, Jared takes his time, gradually penetrating him and then holding completely still. His arms are trembling.

When he moves Richard groans. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah I," he closes his eyes, "it's different. But good. Real goo - hah."

He holds Richard close, rubbing his back and sides, slowly moving his hips. It's over far too fast. Jared hasn't been with anyone in so long, and Richard's never done this in the first place.  
Richard finishes first, and he looks like he's about to apologize, but Jared kisses him and, after about a minute, he's done and sweaty and lying on top of Richard while he lets his heart rate return to normal.

"Holy fuck." Jared chuckles. "I think I love you." Jared blinks and sits up. "Fuck I... I didn't mean to say that out loud."

Jared grins. "Do you mean that?" Richard nods. "I think I feel the same Richard."

Well he knows he does but one life-changing moment at a time.

After showers and an embarrassing call to the front desk to request some new sheets (Richard is mortified and hides in the bathroom until the front desk person leaves.) they cuddle while watching a movie and fall asleep within the first ten minutes.

\--

In the morning they check out of the hotel and start back towards the incubator.

"I think I'll stay."

"What?" Jared doesn't turn to look at Richard, cautious in the early morning traffic.

"Palo Alto, the incubator, hell they probably still need me for my algorithm at Pied Piper right? Dinesh and Gilfoyle don't know how to code like that."

"I'm not certain anyone does, aside from you." He turns onto the highway and hazards a quick smile in Richard's direction. "I'm glad you've chosen to stay. It wouldn't be the same without you here."

"Well, I have a good reason to stay." He rests his hand on the middle arm rest with his palm up. Jared laces their fingers together.

He doesn't stop smiling the whole way back.


End file.
